it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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