took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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