The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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