I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
