I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
