I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
