The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she smelled like a LAN party
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Randomize
