He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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