Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
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Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
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You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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