Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
