party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
