The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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