i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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