haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
