who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
