as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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