FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
