If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
