I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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