I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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