Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
