I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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