is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
