$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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