Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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