I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
