He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
