Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I did not marry a roomba.
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