i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
