If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
