my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
it was like eating out sand paper
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
