i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
