i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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