I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
