I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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