Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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