Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
