I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
