You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
