My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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