i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Randomize
