The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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