the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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