you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
