im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
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Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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