mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize