so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
so much tequila, so little girl.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
