I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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