God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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