Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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