there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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