i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
