ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
