she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Less talking, more tequila
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
