i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
