We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
