They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
