he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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