Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
