Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
