I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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