I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
