She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
