So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
