So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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