then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
