Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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