My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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