so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
