the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
