i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I want a musical about memes.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
